The Soul Reason is Love

I am feeling pissy tonight...pissy and pissed off. I know that behind this pissy-ness is fear. Fear of revealing myself, my process and my truth. Fear of having others (myself?) judge, assess, diagnose, analyze and attempt to fix me if they see me exposed, naked and unadorned. I know that this fear of being revealed and seen has kept me hidden for most of my life, wearing different masks and disguises. If people rejected me when I was wearing a mask, at least I knew that it wasn't the real version of Anakha that they were rejecting. Now all of that has changed as I attempt to put forth the truth of myself and my experience day after day, filling up pages not knowing if this is going anywhere and if there will be anything left of me when it is done...maybe it will never be done and maybe I will be completely burned up in the process, and yes that is okay with me.

My friend Aminga said tonight, "Punch it up Anakha, wake us up...keep popping yourself open so we can all pop open." There is a part of me that wants to stop this experiment in unearthing and revealing love...yes it is intense, yes it is immense, yes it is intimate...it requires relating with myself and others in naked, exposed and radical honesty, it requires searching out and removing the barriers and hindrances to Love's presence and flow. This is the crucifixion and resurrection enacted. This is what is required to fully awaken and reveal the Sacred Heart.
This is the question that has driven me for the last 6 months (starting back at Easter, on my 39th birthday), "how do I open and awaken my Sacred Heart...how do I become love?" I was asked today by my dear friend James (London James), "what brought all this on?"

The simple answer is Love brought this on...my desire to live inside of love, flow love, to experience and to become love. My soul's desire to be transformed and transfigured, stripped and revealed, resurrected and risen in a burning, passionate, compassionate flame of Christ's love and to share that experience with others.

This is why I am still here. This is why I am still breathing. This is why I rise day after day to face myself, my life and the blank page before me. This is what has taken me to the desert, this is what has taken me to the deep, this is what is stripping me down, this is what is plunging me into this long dark night of the Spirit and yes, this is what will resurrect me and deliver me safely home. The Soul Reason is Love!

Deep is calling to Deep...I truly want to experience the unencumbered, unbound, undiluted flow of Love in my life, to take root in love, to blossom and overflow in love. I am trusting that the Divine is leading this spiral journey, I am trusting that this time Beloveds, I will make it all the way home.

~A