It is said that --
enlightenment appears dark,
the progressive way appears retrograde,
the smooth way appears jagged,
the highest peak of revelation appears empty like a valley,
the cleanest appears to be soiled,
the greatest abundance appears insufficient,
the most enduring inner strength appears like weakness,
and creativity appears imitative.
~ Observing and Nourishing Paradox, Tao Te Ching ~
I am sure some of you who read my blog may be questioning what this journey is all about...if I am losing my mind...if I am regressing or progressing. I know for some my deep immersion in the darkness is frightening...that you would rather everything be roses and sunshine, or at least be existing in some numbed, half-awake state. And for some it is a relief to see someone living as close to the bone...as revealed as I seem to be living these days.
I am grateful for two of my Beloveds, Johnny and Patriciafaye, for having the courage to express their judgements this week which have allowed me to deepen into the truth of what this journey into Love is, what it requires and why it is being enacted on the Soul of the planet...and particularly my soul, at this time. Patriciafaye said, "Anakha, sometimes you are writing from constriction." Yes, Patriciafaye...I am...constriction, expansion...that is the birthing canal pushing, pulling me, moving me into new life. Yes, many times I am writing from fear, from confusion, from doubt...this is an authentic part of the journey into Love. Johnny wrote, "I wish you would just stay evolved instead of regressing." Yes, Johnny, I know it would be easier for you not to hear of and feel this pain...a pain that somehow touches your own...I know it would be easier if I wrote of the bliss of life...which I will...when it is truly here. I know you want me to be happy and please know, that my greatest happiness comes from my devotion to this path, it truly does.
Here is what I know for sure. I set out to awaken my heart...to embody love...to understand truly and completely the path that our Master Teacher Yeshua walked and lived. I asked for a full opening to Love. And yes, for 40 days I was taken into the ecstatic state, communing with God, with Yeshua, with my Soul and with nature. This is part of the story....and in some ways a necessary part, but not the most important part of the transformation that was necessary, vital if I were to fully come into Love. As I am understanding it now, my time in retreat was a time of Divine Infusion...a time for my Soul to be nourished and fortified for the journey that lay ahead. A time for me to gather the strength spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically to fully penetrate the darkness, the lies, the illusions and to completely be free of the prisons, safety nets, comfort zones, hiding places. That is what is occurring...I am becoming free, I am becoming love.
And it is absolutely necessary to be tethered in the powerful Presence of Divine Love and Divine Sustenance to be able to dive down into this darkness...to go on this journey to resurrect the lost Soul. To penetrate and move beyond our individual and collective prisons of fear and stagnation...we must break open, we must go into the darkness, we must tell the truth...then and only then can we become free. Why else haven't we been liberated until now? Why haven't those sexy affirmations and powerful intentions bought us our freedom? I'll tell you why...because it doesn't matter what the conscious mind intends if the the Soul, if the Heart is still imprisoned by the darkness held in the unconscious. We must call all of ourselves home into present time...we must enact a full soul retrieval...we must live with an open heart to even begin to bring the higher spiritual laws into our domain in a powerful and sustainable and life-giving way.
I am here to say, that the way to liberation in these times requires that we be willing to lose our minds, to become unstable, to experience challenging material, to regress, to deal with Shadow, to fall apart. And this path is not for the weak because it takes an unbelievable amount of spiritual maturity, strength, faith and mental and emotional grit to move into the dark and stay with the grief, despair, confusion...to stay in and with until the true Light, the true Miracle surrenders itself to your core, in your soul.
Yes, I set out to become Love, to know Love, to know what it takes to awaken the Sacred Heart. I am receiving the stigmata of the Sacred Heart....my heart is being pierced with the same grief and pain and sadness that Yeshua's was. This is occurring because this is what my Soul contracted for, because this is what is needed for our collective awakening in love, because when we wake up we will finally start experiencing the heartbreak of the world. The sleeping, closed, constricted heart must be opened, must be pierced, must be awakened. That is where the healing salve to heal the planet, to heal the despair, to heal the anawim is buried. That is how a radical compassion that fuels sacred action will be born.
Are you willing to leave your comfort zone, your spiritual look good and have it together zone, your I am enlightened zone, your XYZ zone...to truly be taken on the journey into Love? Do you have the courage, the tenacity, the commitment to endure grief, sadness and confusion for a day, a month, a year if it meant that you would be delivered to a radically new and powerful experience of Love? Would you take this journey if you knew that the well-being of every person on the planet depended on it?
This is it. This is what is here now. And yes I smile, and yes I laugh and yes I dance and yes I love...all the way through all aspects of this journey. Pray for me, pray with me, pray unceasingly during these times. If our hearts wake up and open...truly wake up and open...then we can be assured that we will wake up to the heartbreak of the planet and if we stay in the darkness...the diamond will be surrendered. That diamond, is our collective soul...coming home, coming into wholeness. That diamond is our glory, is our gift, is our good. That diamond is God giving birth to God in our Soul.
From agony to ecstasy...this is the path of my sacred, naked heart.
And this path, it is mine. My path to walk, my path to share.
Join me if it calls to you. Observe if it intrigues. Take, eat if it nourishes.
I love you. I love myself. I love you. I love myself.
Ameyn. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
In honor and adoration for the Sacred Heart.
Amen.
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3 comments:
Dear One who's shown me so much about paradox,
Thank you for articulating your path so fully. It's a challenging concept, I believe.
I've certainly felt pain at times when you've been hurting...but I've never felt despair for you. In your darkest nights, I've never thought of you as depressed [I've known depressed people and you've been nothing like them!]...nor questioned your sanity.
The whole journey that you've shared with us has been quite thrilling actually...and profoundly inspiring. Your radical approach to your own healing and liberation has radically impacted my life...producing healing/liberating ripples.
"Happiness" is starting to strike me somewhat like Santa Claus.
For someone like me who has been cut off so long from the real, the depths and heights of reality are quite appealing.
There's a whole planet waiting now...needing enough of us to grok (and act on) what you're describing...in order to go through the threshold we're collectively at. This is the most important thing any of us can be doing.
with love...
I saw a button recently that read "Ritalin: Easier than parenting!"
Michael Meade says that ADD stands for "I got a deficit of attention, and now I've got a disorder."
While I realize that it's more complex than that in today's world, I believe both messages hint at how we medicate and avoid that which we don't want to feel. And, if others feel it, we suppress, ignore, argue, or deny it because it's too much for us to deal with.
As as child, dealing with abuse, isolation, seeing the lies and fakeness of others, I felt angry, hateful, depressed. My childhood fantasies made Columbine look like a picnic. I was miserable, alone, scared. It has been through embracing and looking at my own shadow that I have been able to transform it, heal it, and learn love and compassion. This to me is more meaningful that simply "feeling good." Beyond that, it has allowed me many moments of extreme bliss, uncontrollable laughter, full-body transcendent orgasmic states, and rich, profound connection with myself, others, and the natural world that few people experience. While it is all still a work in progress, it has brought forth my truest gifts and given me a sense of aliveness, compassion, humanness, and love that is always present, regardless of whatever pain I may be experiencing. It has allowed me to heal and help many people in ways that many others have not been able to.
I love and support your message, Anahka, because there is someone out there feeling exactly what you're feeling and unable to speak it and have someone listen. We all know people who are in pain, constricted, suffering (including ourselves, if we're truly honest about it. And, unless you live in complete bliss, rapture, and ecstasy, then how truly alive and evolved are you really?). If we are to help heal ourselves, others, and the planet, we need to begin telling the truth and acknowledging it, even if it's not pretty. Suffering is real. Pain is real. Let's name the elephant in the room so we can truly heal and transform it.
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