A Brave New World, Inspired Message by Rev. Lisa Haqq

An inspired and inspiring message delivered this week at Evolving Life Ministries by Rev. Lisa Haqq on revealing the heart and choosing love in the midst of our relationships -- overcoming the fear the keeps imprisoned in the past. Choose love...choose truth...choose liberation! Definitely worth listening to!

https://www.evolvinglifeministries.org/ENG/30.0.php

Letter to Nichole ~ 40 Days, 40 Nights

This is the letter I wrote this morning to my Beloved Nichole who is currently incarcerated at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility (to read her please blog go to http://www.freeheartfreemind.blogspot.com ) in response to her question, "Anakha how did you do 40 days in silence and solitude? I can barely do 8 minutes. Why did you do it? What did you do? What happened for you?" This is a beginning of a series of letters to her about my time "apart" last July/August in intimate communion.

*******

Good Morning Nichole…At least it’s morning here…late morning 11:40. I am sitting at the back table with the morning sun shining through the window on my face. It is supposed to be 60 degrees today…it is sunny, blue sky. Of course you are out enjoying this weather as well…thank God! Breath in all of the love that is available through nature…it will help nourish and encourage you…let the sun love you, the air love you, the breeze love you…really feel it coming into your cells giving you courage to face what you need to face, feel what you need to feel, do what you need to do. This Universe adores you and is here to offer you its glorious love…become present to the love inherent in all things. You will become love as you walk this path into love. This is what Yeshua is asking us to do in following him into the sacred heart. To awaken the love in our hearts…to remember that we are made in his image and his likeness…we are not who we’ve thought…we have thought we were alone, separate, bad, wrong, mistakes, filled with shame and fear…these are all lies of the mind…we find our beauty in our hearts. Open your heart Nichole…let the pain, the grief, the disappointment spill out…you will withstand it, and you can go through it and find yourself stationed on solid ground. This is what drew me into the silence…the 40 days of intimate communion with God and my true Self. I found myself standing one year ago…March 2007 on the veranda of a beautiful condo in Maui, Hawaii…smoking an American Spirit cigarette looking out at the beauty all around me…and I couldn’t feel…I couldn’t experience and take in the beauty. I felt dead inside. I was aware that something essential…some life force within me had died…or was on life support…barely breathing. My heart had closed….retreated…gone into hiding. I was running on empty…the power of Love was unable to penetrate the walls of hiding and protection I had built up around my heart and my life. I am not even sure how it all happened…one small betrayal of myself, betrayal of others, losing people I loved…my father’s death…working at Coffee Creek…addiction….the truth was my heart had become shielded, guarded, closed and I was dying. It was painful that morning to realize how disconnected from Life and my own radiance I had become. I was in Maui with Gary and the kids…Gary was equally shut down…closed off…how painful to be there with someone I had once loved so much and to see us both cardboard cutouts…playing at the game of life. The kids registered this I am sure. The one beautiful moment I had was when I took the kids out snorkeling…teaching them to snorkel and see the colorful fish in the coral reef. They were mesmerized as was I. I love being underneath the ocean’s surface…this is how I live my life…underneath the surface actions…I live with the fish, like a mermaid…a mystic underneath the sea. I sensed a spark, a thread of my aliveness as I dove down under the sea into the realm of magic…seeing the many colored fish flowing through the warm Hawaiian waters. Flowing in beauty…flowing with the beauty of life…this is what I desired. I was disconnected from the flow and the beauty of Life, of my life, of my own essence. I had purchased a red journal with the sacred heart on it prior to my trip to Hawaii. I hadn’t written one word in it. I pulled it out on the flight home and wrote these words:

March 19, 2007
I am ready God! Bring me the fire of the Holy Spirit – engage my soul, ripen the fruit, use me to serve the sacred awakening. I am coming alive with the heat of the Holy Spirit, opening the mysteries of the Sacred Heart. Love melting into love…mystical marriage…sacred union.

I think that was the beginning of my journey into fully opening my heart…becoming an embodiment, a Divine expression of Love. I wrote this poem a few days later…March 31^st:

Come Holy Spirit
Burning Spirit
Abide in me Now
Abide in me Always
I long to feel your heat in my blood
In my bones
Infuse me with your grace
Know me as your own
I am a spark in your
Rapturous fire
Enkindle my heart
My humanness with your love
Your passion
The Christ Mind
The Christ Heart
The Christ Eyes
Are mine now
And Forever
Maranatha
Maranatha
Amen!

Nichole, this was the beginning of the deepest and truest journey into my own heart that I have taken. It sparked the beginning of a transformation from Fear to Love…it lead me into the 40 days and 40 nights of solitude and silence…a deep discovery of my own beauty, radiance and goodness. Before then I may have appeared free…but I was locked away in a prison as well. No freedom. Sure, I could go places and do things…but that, as you know, is not the essence of freedom…what we are all longing for is an experience of Soul Liberation…aliveness, radiance, presence and love. This is what led me to take time apart, to listen, heal and open. This is what you are being offered now too. To slow your pace…to slow your rhythm…to listen and let be…to slow way down and begin moving at the pace of guidance…the pace of nature…this is the place where you can practice “ahimsa” the Aramaic word for nonviolence…nonviolence, deep love and compassion for yourself and for others. This was the word that Yeshua (Jesus) gave me the first day of my retreat…Yeshua said to me…”if you want to open your heart, to become love…you must slow your pace, move at the pace of nature, move at the pace and with the rhythm off the heartbeat…and practice ahimsa…radical love and self-acceptance. Every time your mind wants to attack yourself or others, repeat and chant ahimsa and return to the truth that you are a Beloved Child of God and that all is well in Life…all is well in this moment.”

I will tell you my story Nichole…through these letters and this will become my book. Thank you for asking me what I did during those 40 days…why I took this time apart…and what occurred…in answering your question I will relive, remember and offer my experience as a gift to the world.

See Beloved Dear One…how you are ministering to me? How with your question you are helping me to remember my purpose and why it is important that I write about my journey into love, that I share the teachings and mysteries that were given to me in that time and that continue to be offered to me. So often I think that what I have received and conceived of is unimportant….please help me Nichole, to remember that what I am and who I am are valuable…just like I help you to remember that what you are and who you are valuable. We are essential in so many ways…each of us a thread in this beautiful Divine tapestry of love and creativity.

Happy Birthday…I celebrate the day of your birth…the birth of you, this young mystical woman that has taken a crash course in awakening to the realms of embodied love…you are making the journey into wholeness and reclaiming the truth of your birthright…that you are a child of the living, loving God…whole, complete, worthy and beautiful. You are here on purpose…you belong…you are wanted. You belong with me…you belong in my heart…you will always have a home there.

Happy Birthday Nichole…you are so very much loved, adored and cherished by so many…but today especially, you are loved by me!

XXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

Anakha

Naked Desire

Come Naked!
Come Naked!
Come Naked...
Before God and this Sweet Universe
Naked with Your Desire
Naked with Your Longing
Naked with all Your Beauty
Naked with all You Fear is Ugly
Revealed, Exposed
Ready to Break Open
And Spill Over the Edge
The Edge of Becoming
God, God Embodied
Empowered
Holy in Your Wholeness
Secure in Your Stance
Devoted in Your Desire
Forward Movement
Soul in Motion
Divine in Action
Strike a Pose for God
Drench Yourself in God
Dedicate Yourself
To All That Brings You Alive
Dance
Dive In
Love
Pray
Desire
Donate Yourself
Your Whole, Holy Self
Your Messed Up, Crazy Self
Your Sinner Saintly Self
Donate Yourself
to the Fires of Love
and
Burn.....................................................
Burn....................................................
Burn....................................................
Until all that is left
is your Desire
Down on your knees
you look up
and find yourself
face to face
with your Desire
and....then, only then
Can you truly become
Devoted
Devotion Embodied
Desire Enacted
Divine Deliciousness
Coming into Form
Fear no more
Find the pulse of your desire
In your body
Pry it open
Shake it loose
Expose it
Reveal it
Crack it open
The Code lies within you
The I AM Code
The I AM Code
is the Desire of Becoming
Embodied
in God
as God
for God
I am God, I am.
I am one with Desire, I am.
I am one with Devotion, I am.
I am one with the Good, I am.
I am one with Love, I am.
From discontent to devotion
The Path of Desire
Leads the Way
Home to Soul Fulfillment.
God is All There Is.
And God is just another name
another Holy name,
for all that You Desire.
I speak this truth to the world,
for the world.
It is so.
Ameyn.

Music Got Me Feeling So Free

I am dancing in the kitchen this morning, music pounding from the iPod station on the counter... "Music got me feeling so free, One more time We gonna celebrate Oh yeah Don't stop dancing One more time." (Daft Punk, One More Time) I've been on a cleaning spree since 7 a.m. Cleaning out, clearing out, making way. Kodi, Randy's dog, is following me around the house, panting, smiling, watching the ancient shamanic ritual of chasing dust bunnies around the hardwood floors.

As I pass through the kitchen I stop to dance...celebrate, oh yeah...and I remember what I am celebrating and who I am celebrating. I remember how much I love just dancing by myself. How much ecstasy my own essence brings me...how beautiful and free I feel in my body. Free to feel, free to move, to express...free in my heart to love, to cry, to be joyful, happy. I am free.
I enjoy my solo dance in life. I enjoy my time in partnership. I enjoy my time in community.
And most often I reach my most ecstatic states in love when I am alone...grooving with God.
This is who I am and how I am. And that is alright with me. Don't get me wrong...I love loving another...loving with another, being in love. This love I feel for life is enough for me today...moment to moment...love is abundantly available. Will I pause, listen for the music and dance?

And, I am in love with me today. And that is so damn cool, so very awesome and amazing. In love with all of me...the frightened, masked, scared aspects and the evolved, mystical, beautiful parts. All me, here now...in this sacred bundle of a bodysoulheartmind.

I chase more dust bunnies...I clean the mirror...I see myself clearly in the reflection...reel in the projections. Yes I am a womanchild in this journey into love, into intimacy...I am both evolved and evolving. Yes, I am still learning...I am still this sacred art form becoming.

I think back to a song I wrote with Blaine 4 or 5 years ago. The title, "It's Been Me." Today I return to that place of knowing the only Lover there is, is the one that lives inside of me. Seek there first and all else will magically fall into place.

I return again to my own naked and revealed heart...so much more available due to my journey with others that have joined me for the last several months after my retreat. I have been "schooled" as they say, through our interactions...you all have shown me my light and my dark and for this I am eternally grateful.

Kodi has settled at my feet. I wonder if she is ready for the upstairs cleaning? Maybe some kundalini yoga first. My friend Johnny is in town today...the mystic on the motorcycle (although I doubt he has his bike today)...we will have lunch together. And then I will return for more cleaning and clearing...my life is opening into the realm of miracles...constant and abundant and for that I am grateful.

So very grateful...so very humbled. I have so much to learn.

Love,
Anakha

P.S. The lyrics....It's Been Me...

It's been me, I've wanted all this time
It's been me, the mystery lover
All the frantic searching, heartaches and dead ends
It's been me all this time

I'm the one I've always wanted to hold, caress and love
To delight with, take flight with, beautify
TO respect, trust and care for, believe in and even die for
It's been me all this time

Today I lay naked like a babe on its first dawn
I wrapped myself in Love's embrace
I finally know what it means to truly love myself
My whole body, each limb, every part of me
I manifest the Spirit in this unique design
Thank you God for love, Thank you God for me

Thank you God for the mystery
Thank you God for the simplicity
Inside and beside me
To and through you guide me,
May the Spirit shine as me
It's been me all this time.

Message from Manasseh

After publishing my last post, I visited my friend Peter's blog and read his latest entry entitled, "It's Okay to Be Vulnerable." Here is an excerpt that grabbed me:

If we’re willing, like a garment, the Universe takes our souls and turns them inside out and hangs them to air out. Now, our hearts are on the outside and vulnerable for all to view. The hypocrisy, like dirt, falls to the ground. God can now wear the garment.

You can read more from Peter at http://manassehmysticalhealer.blogspot.com/2008/02/its-okay-to-be-vulnerable.html.

Thank you Peter!

Knock and Be Opened

This day which is quickly coming to an end...started out at 6 a.m. I woke up, started playing with my iPhone (still fascinated with it) and accidentally (?) clicked on Neil Douglas Klotz Aramaic Prayers. I began breathing and chanting...feeling my heart open to the presence of Yeshua. One of the prayers was a translation from Matthew 7:7 ~ "Ask and it shall be given you, seek and you shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you." I chanted the Aramaic words, Qush Wa Eth-Phetah..."knock and be opened" over and over again feeling the resonance deep within my heart. I knew that I would be opened, I knew that my heart would open from the inside, that a dam would break and love would flow to the outer regions...the places within my heart that are fenced off by fear...fear of being left in love, fear of loving too much, fear of losing control in the ecstasy of true love.

I kept chanting anyway...for hours I listened, chanted. I felt the Love Presence grow within me...I followed desire all the way home to the Source of Love within me. I felt the dams break.
The constrictions within me began to uncoil, unwind.

Love is flowing. Love is infiltrating the barren lands of my own heart, the places where I hide, mask, run from what I most long to experience ...a true love, a true loving -- myself true in love and in loving. Being true to myself in love.

My father left when I was 1 1/2 years old. I think that at this young age I was baffled and stunned that this man with whom I shared such warmth and joy and love could all of sudden be gone. In an instant. I am certain that I registered this deep within my cells. I know that as a grown woman, just standing near him would create a resonance within my cells, within my life force that said, "yes, this is my father." I must have had a cellular recognition and resonance with him...since most of the time I spent with him was during the ages of 0 to 3 and then again in my 30's. My grandmother tells me stories about my father coming to visit me when I was 2 or 3. She tells me that my father would often cry during our visits and that I would comfort him...but never shed a tear, never let on that I was hurting...until he left. And then the tears would come. I don't think I had ever heard this story from my grandmother until recently. It may have been after my father died...just over 2 years ago now. He was gone in an instant then too...one moment pounding the pedals on his mountain bike...the next laying dead on a trail.

I think this story can tell me a lot about how I show up and how I hide in love today...about my fears, about how I suppress the fullness of my love and desire...my pleasure and my pain. I think the story I made up to reconcile this separation might have gone like this..." be really good...don't show too much emotion, don't ask for too much, don't reveal too much...stay as small as possible so that he won't leave again. Abandon yourself so that you won't be abandoned. Don't desire him too much or he will leave...don't trust the love that exists...be baffled and confused. I am done with this story.

I have compassion for her. She was so madly in love, so crazy deliriously in love with herself, her father, her mother, her life. I can't imagine the impact on her soul to lose the presence of such a great love.

So what is the point? What is opening in me tonight is the awareness of how I've spent so much of my life compensating for that experience...controlling, avoiding, protecting my relationships so that I would never, ever have to experience the devastation of that kind of a loss again.

Until now.
Until now.

I am surrendering all my ways of hiding from love, of controlling myself in love, of manipulating others in love so that I might have a chance to receive, to create, to experience and to live...a great and true and profound and ecstatic love in my life.

I have deep compassion for this part of me that screams so loud, who grips so tightly to these charades, these lies, these illusions. I bless her and I ask her to please come home, to please come home to my heart where I can love her and care for her. I ask for her to serve a greater purpose...to support me in being a generous and open-hearted lover. I don't need protection anymore. Her job is done. A new assignment has arrived.

To love myself.
To love others.
Truly, deeply.
Authentically.

Knock and be opened. Let me be opened fully. I withhold nothing from you God. I make a full and complete surrender tonight. Into your arms, into the mystery of my life, into the fires of Sacred Love that burn within me. I no longer wish to be a child with childlike ways...I wish to fully embody and inhabit the woman that I am. I wish to be grown up in my love and in my loving.

I am knocking from the inside, heart opening from the inside.
I wish to be made new.
Resurrected wholeness.
Holy Spirit, Maranatha...
Come do your sacred work within me, within my life, within my relationships now.
I ask for your grace and for your delicacy as you breath new life into my heart.

Dear God, I ask for your blessing on my anim cara...his soul's presence in my life has brought me to this moment now, where I begin again, anew.

Ameyn. Let it be so.

God's Lovers

I am aware, in this moment...in this early morning hour,
of what makes my heart come alive...
small, sweet, sincere acts of love, of loving.
"We can do no great things, only small things with great love," says Mother Teresa.

I have been shown great love through small acts.
You have shown me great love through your small acts.

A sliced mango in the morning.
A cold Ginger Kombucha in my hand.
Dark chocolate with raspberries in my mouth.
A dance in the kitchen.
A meal shared.
A walk in the park.
Sunshine on my face.

I am so grateful for this love, this opportunity to love.
I am learning from my teacher.
The moment teaches me to love...
to surrender to the small acts of loving service
to myself,
to others,
to life.

One breath into stillness,
a pause to remember why I am here.
Make love to the moment.
I am making love in each moment...
Each precious moment...
is dripping with passion
with aliveness
with love.

I am drenched with God,
My heart writhing with ecstatic sweetness,
bittersweet losses in love,
a near miss,
hearts collide.

I slow the pace. I find my rhythm.
I connect with the sensuous she that lives within me.
I find my heart.
It is full this morning.
Full of love, opened and expanded through loving.
Loving through illusion.
Loving through the fear.
Loving through constriction.

God's grace has descended
and left its kiss upon me.

The floodgates have been opened.
The relentless pounding of love beats at the door to my heart...
I open from the inside,
Waves of the sweetest, truest love enter me.
Crashing through what is left
of barricades
from the past.
This love has reached me now.
I am no longer alone.
I am dissolved in the Truth
that you will always be here,
be near...
neither death nor distance
can separate God's Lovers.

Be still and know I am God.
Be still and know I am God.
Be still and know yourself as I Am,
the glorious Presence of God
that breathes you into being.
You are so beautiful.
So alive and curious.
Amazing in your motion.
Courageous with your Truth.

You Anakha are here now.
The lover you have been waiting for
has arrived...has penetrated the walls...
has awoken from the slumber...
lives within you,
resides within you,
forever within you,
she is...
I am.

We are one.
Now and forever.
Amen.

p.s. this week I vow to live my life, moment to moment, sourced in Love...sharing Love through small acts. thank you to the teacher of the little way. i am grateful to walk the path of the sacred heart.

Embracing the Unknown ~ Negative Capability

"If we are able to stay with a situation, it will carry us to a new place."
~ Shaun McNiff ~

One of the lessons I am learning as I walk this path of sacred love centers around staying with and staying in uncertainty, mystery and doubt without reaching for a quick and easy remedy to regain some semblance of understanding, meaning or control. Resolution doesn't always come...or at least not in the time frame or in the way I would like it to. This is one of the great mysteries of faith...and requires a complete surrender to the Holy Authority...Divine Will, Divine Timing, Divine Purpose.

I surrender. Again. I surrender in the face of the unknown, in the face of overwhelming uncertainty and mystery. I surrender my heart, my life, my breathing, my thinking, my speaking, my loving, my light, my dark. I surrender my control, my grasping and my gripping. I surrender my coercing and manipulating. I surrender all the ways that I attempt to create a reality other than the one my Soul longs to live -- a life of truth, beauty and love. As D.H. Lawrence suggested, "the Soul is perfect in its movement and in its ability to minister to itself." I surrender to the movement and the ministry of my soul.

I feel my capacity for keeping my heart open in the face of uncertainty being stretched tonight. I am feeling my heart...overflowing with love, aching with sweet agony. I can feel warmth in my chest...there is activity, there is aliveness....the sacred heart is beating in my life, within my core. The greatest expansions of love seem to occur when the fabric of love appears to have broken down -- betrayal, misunderstanding, and judgment -- it is in the midst of these heartbreaking experiences that I am most aware of my heart expanding, opening, and blossoming in Love. Blossoming in what I can only imagine is a Christic Love...a love that can only be brought to me through the grace of God and by the Holy Spirit. When I am stretched beyond my edge, when I am asked to have radical compassion for myself and another -- this Love grows.

To enter the waters of sacred love we must be willing to embrace the unknown...to embrace and withstand what John Keats called "negative capability." Negative capability is when a person is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, and doubts without any irritable reaching after fact and reason. Keats believed that great people have the ability to accept that not everything can be resolved. He urged us to let things be in whatever may be their uncertainty and their mystery.

Can I stay in and with amidst uncertainty, mystery and doubt?

Can I accept that not everything can be resolved?

Can I keep my heart open in the face of disappointment, heartbreak and loss?

Can I see with the eyes of faith?

To enter the waters of Sacred Love we must develop our capacity for sustaining negative capability. To endure the great mysteries of life...to live open-hearted, naked-hearted without guarantees and assurances. There are no insurance policies in Sacred Love.

Tonight I surrender my heart, my loving. I make offering of this one life...the life of Anakha Coman. And again I vow to live, to fully live and to fully embody and to fully express this sacred heart awakening...my soul's journey home to the Kingdom of Sacred Love.

Help me Yeshua, help me to grow in Love...help me to allow the Great Mystery of your Love, manifest as my life, to unfold now with grace, ease and flow.

Amen.

P.S. I received a letter from Nichole today...at the end of the letter she makes this one sentence statement, "we all have a fire within us....when are we going to turn it up?" Yes, darling, dear...wise one...let us all turn it up now!

Message to Self: "To Thine Own Self Be True"

When you show up and embody your own personal truth...your own personal greatness...be assured there will be those that want to discredit you, despise you...there will be those that fear you...fear the light and love you embody. There will be arrows, angry projections.

Do it anyway. Show up anyway. Live your personal truth anyway. Love unguarded anyway.

There will be those that cheer you on and there will be those that launch their attacks. This is evidence that you are up to something good. Proceed. Preservere. Do not attach to positive recognition or negative recognition. Keep digging into and living from your core truth with as much clarity and integrity as possible...knowing at times...many times you will fail, fall down, become dazed and confused. Get up. Stand up. Carry on.

Yes, to thine own self be true.

Five Faces of Fear (and the Sacred Shift to Love...)

I reach for the red book on my nightstand, "Love Poems from God," this morning and turn to a poem by Kabir about Kali, about being wild and ravished...about letting go of fear and entering into the radical experience of passionate Love...big L, Love...the experience of passion, adoration, devotion and ecstasy that comes from being in Love with all Life. The kind of Love that messes you up, that disrupts the neat and tidy patterns of your controlled and planned existence. The kind of Love that throws a monkey wrench into your nicely constructed dream. This is the Love that I am referring to when I speak of Sacred Love...the Love that is sent from God, the Love that is God embodied...the Love that is the Beloved before you, calling up everything unlike love to be released and brought into wholeness.

As I turn the pages in the red book two large purple index cards fall out...notes from a talk I gave at Unity of Corvallis over a year and a half ago... the title at the top reads, "Five Faces of Fear." I remember creating this talk...I shared the platform with a beautiful and inspired woman that had just been released from prison, from Coffee Creek, weeks earlier. As I read them this morning they seem so relevant to this journey into Love and the shift we are called to make to fully strike a loving pose and embody a radical and unrelenting Love. I share them with you in hopes that you will also take a step, a run, a jump, a leap into the arms of Love this day!

The Five Faces of Fear:

1. Fear of Our Sacred Wildness
   Prison we live in from this fear: Being Normal
   Practice we use: Playing Small, Suppressing Authenticity
   Sacred Shift into Love: Belonging...Be Our Longing, Follow Our Longing, Passion and Desire, Moment to Moment
2. Fear of Our Holy Oneness
   Prison we live in from this fear: Isolation
   Practice we use: Judgment, Intense Judgment and Analysis of Self and Others
   Sacred Shift into Love: Radical Revealing of Self -- Fears and Judgments with Another
3. Fear of Our Passionate Purpose
   Prison we live in from this fear: Security
   Practice we use: Apathy, Distraction, Numbness, Robotic Movement, Sleepwalking
   Sacred Shift into Love: Ecstatic Service, Take the Love Challenge...See every moment as an opportunity to express and offer your Love.
4. Fear of Our Boundless Creativity
   Prison we live in from this fear: Control
   Practice we use: Perfection
   Sacred Shift into Love: Follow Aliveness, Curiosity...Express Untamed Creativity, Make a Mess...What brings you alive? Do it!
5. Fear of Our Glorious Magnificence
   Prison we live in from this fear: Doubt
   Practice we use: Hiding, Masking, Containing
   Sacred Shift into Love: Reveal Your Beauty, Expose Your Radiance, Share Powerful Presence, Let Your Light Shine!

Breaking free...giving rise to what lives within us requires a fundamental movement from fear to love, from prison to palace, from ego to soul, from control to surrender...from separation to union. I am dedicating myself today to make this fundamental movement into Love...to become aware of times when I am in my Fear Mind and Body and return to the radically freeing practice of Sacred Love.

The more I move with wild abandon...the more Love I become.

Here is the poem from Kabir that I flipped to this morning...Maybe It Will Become Chic!
I had been invited to an important conference

Where many learned men from different countries

Were going to address the topic:

Where Is God?

I was wearing my best clothes and even fasted for a week,

hoping to sharpen my mind. Just before I was to leave though,

I felt powerfully drawn to a little shrine in my bedroom and I went

there and knelt to pray.

I could not believe what then happened:

Kali threw her arms around me and started tearing at my clothes.

Then she started throwing delicious food into my mouth,

purposely missing several times it seemed,

thus soiling my pundit attire;

And then she made me perform many times as if I were

her husband; and then she said, "Now Kabir, don't be late

for that big talk, and don't change your clothes -- I like that

love-stained look, maybe it will become chic?!"

I arrived just as it was my turn to stand before this august

crowd and apologized for my appearance.

"So Where is God?" the head of the conference says to me.

"Well, (well, I stammered) if you really want to know the truth --

if you hurry -- you might catch Her legs still spread back at my pad."

Kali: A (very wild) Hindu Goddess

The Throes of Sacred (Scared) Intimacy!

Tonight, after a day spent in the throes of sacred intimacy...engaging it, being with it, talking about it, filming it, soul-mapping it...I am left with one question, "what is the point?" Why is it that I am pursuing this path? Why have I immersed myself in this work personally and professionally? What is the point...what is my point? God...what is your point?

There are definitely easier paths to take. Like working at a convenience store. My fantasy about being a cashier at 7-Eleven comes to mind tonight.

Why enter into sacred intimacy? Why reveal so much of myself...my fears and hopes to others? Why spend time being present to another's angst, fear, breakdown, revelation, and struggle? What is it I am hoping to create, to experience and is this even the way to get there? Am I lost in the wilderness or am I on my way to Heaven? Or are both true...is being lost in the wilderness of love and intimacy part of the path of sacred love? I hear the lyrics to Sarah McLachlan's song "Hold On"..."am I in heaven here or am I in hell...at a crossroads I am standing..."

I am standing at a crossroads.

The closer I come to others, the more we both show up (at least at this stage in the process) the more bogged down, sluggish, constricted, and afraid I feel. Feelings of anger, resentment, judgment and fear are surfacing and I find myself romanticizing the days when I was more individualized, more contained, less available, less vulnerable to the impact others may have on my life, on my being. This is the experience of the wilderness...and yes, there are monsters here for sure. Monsters inside become projected onto the Beloved outside. I see one face...the face of Heaven (the face of innocence) and then another...the face of Hell (the face of sin). What can I trust, who can I trust...can I even trust myself?

With all of the confusion, challenge, conflict and craziness...why don't I return to my solo tower? Why have I descended from the place of beautiful perfection into the streets of intimacy where chaos, darkness and confusion lurk around every corner? There is danger here for sure...

Why? I am not certain. My belly tells me there are great mysteries and blissful discoveries that await me, that are beckoning to us all. I am being urged to dive deeper still, below the surface chaos of the crashing waves...to dive in deeper and enter into the still waters of sacred love. To come face to face with my Beloveds in Truth. To tell my truth, to stand in my truth, to evoke and surrender to Truth.

Oftentimes I mask myself, I avoid my truth and the conversation that needs to be had...because I so fear I cannot withstand my truth or yours. I leave, you leave...we both leave. We abandon ourselves and each other. We betray ourselves and each other. We create what we fear.
We live a hell on earth. I am ready to show up now...to release my attachments...to risk this relationship, to sacrifice inauthenticity for the promise of real intimacy. I am willing to reveal who I am, what I want and need...I am willing to hear you, receive your truth.


I let go.
I surrender my control.
I open to the guidance and direction of the Holy Spirit.

I will allow the Divine who has called me to this work of Sacred Intimacy, to bring me through it with love, tenderness, grace, ease and unimaginable flow. I surrender. I affirm my dedication to this calling, personally and professionally.

I allow miracles to manifest in my life, in my work and in all my relationships...here now.
Guide our way into Truth, Guide our way into Light, Guide our way home to Love. Amen.

Late Night Lyrics

Say what I need to say...
There is beauty in the breakdown...
My salvation is in your love...

These are the lyrics playing in my mind tonight as I listen to music on my new iPhone
(a very cool and generous gift from a loving friend). I am going to use them to enter into my own heart...to listen to what is present now...

What I need to say?
I am breaking down the walls between you and me.
I am reaching through the lies, illusions, stories, projections and corrections that have kept us from seeing one another, loving one another, meeting one another.
I am becoming naked in your presence
Unguarded, revealed
Quivering with fear
Doesn't matter....
See me now
See me as I am
See me with clear vision
Pierce my soul with Truth
I want this Love
I want this Love
I want to hold this gaze
and not flinch
To withstand the fires of intimacy
and be delivered to the other side
I am breaking down the walls
I am breaking down the walls
I am traveling the distance between you and I
One step at a time, I am coming home

There is beauty in the breakdown?
Yes, there is beauty in the breakdown.
I am breaking down
My mind is reeling
Can't keep up with
the changes in my heart
I am disoriented
Being re-oriented
To love
To being opened by another
God help me to open
God help me to open
God help me to open
Breakdown, breakthrough
I want the breakthrough
I want the walls to come down
Loose, lose the masks
The inauthenticities that hide my insecurites
The ways that I tone my love down
I am breaking down all that keeps me from love
I am becoming love in the breakdown
Body tired, eyes burning, throat soar
Constricting my truth
Afraid to know my truth
My heart wants to express
My throat wraps iteself around the words
Keeping them prisoner
Breaking down the walls, the bars
Out of the cell of fear
Into the open field of love
Yes, I am breaking down all that is not essential
I am breaking through to essence
I am beautiful in my breakdown

My salvation is in your love...
My healing
Our healing
Is in this love
Surrendering to the Truth of this Love
The reality of this love
The beauty of this love
Our mutual wholeness is the gift
Buried in the rubble
Of our past burdens, broken hearts
The bones of skeletons
The voices of monsters
They come to dance in this story
To test our conviction
Our commitment
To embodying love
To sacred intimacy
To revealing Self to Self
Self to Other
Beyond the terror
Beyond the wanting to run
Beyond the fight, the flight
The distractions
Our souls are waiting
Patiently
For this drama to be done
So we can begin living
As intended
Creating the crucible
For a blossoming love
Pray with me Love
Pray with me
Holy Spirit
Gudie us
Guide us all
Guide our way into Truth
Guide our way into Love
Take us into the Heart
The Source
The Lover's Kingdom
My salvation is your Love.

Amen.

Becoming Love

How can our Presence become manna for the Soul? Can we vibrate with the frequency of Love and nourish, fortify and sustain ourselves and others? How can we stay rooted in Love and allow that energy to overflow into and create in the world? Rev. Anakha speaks on becoming an embodiment of Divine Love in her latest video blog...go to www.naked-heart.com to view it.

Desire in the Lover's Heart

Desire burns in the Lover's heart tonight
Burning for no other
Only you
Deep within me
I hear your call
To ravage
To adore
To burn in the fire's of Sacred Love
To feel the heat of Sacred Passion
To become obliterated in the Ecstasy of Breath
Dissolved into the oceanic tides
of God
of Presence
This journey into Sacred Intimacy
with Self
with God
with Other
is turbulent at times
swelling beneath the surface
rolling
crashing
lulling
flowing
swirling
thrashing
nashing
releasing
coming
going
a holy terror
always precedes a holy love
here we meet our Beloved on the edge
of our own becoming
we face into the darkness
and reach blindly
for the One we will call
our own
our beloved
our soul
if we dare reach through
if we dare enter the fire
if we dare burn, burn, burn
into the ashes
if we surrender all of our
outdated and constricted notions
of love
and of loving
we will be granted
entry into the kingdom of heaven
the Divine will enter our hearts
our bodies

our souls
and rock us in the arms
of Sacred Union
the matrimony of God's Lovers
here we sway in the
mystical erotic
we call the divine into the body
we manifest the fullness of what
Jesus was calling us to...
to become fully human
to become fully divine
to embody all that it means
to be divinely human
the mysteries of Sacred Love
are being revealed to me
the teachings unlocked
from the inside...
I have gifts to share
to support you
in your journey into
being a full,
radically loving,
overflowing
juicy
inspired
compassionate
sacred
sexual

creative
expression
God in body
There are secrets to tell...
We are becoming Love!

P.S. Check my blog on Saturday or Sunday to view the latest video blogs on Becoming Love and Embodiment.

Letter from Nichole ~ Feb. 6, 2008

I thought you all might like to read the latest letter I received from Nichole...please go to http://www.freeheartfreemind.blogspot.com to read her weekly postings from prison. She is transforming...opening....healing!
*************
Anakha,

Last night I received a big envelope from Gene. It had his blog along with yours and the comments from Gene, David and Delayne. I sat down on my bunk, took a deep breath and before the words were even read, a tear fell from my eye. I didn't wipe it though, I just let it be a part of me in the moment. I sat there a moment later with my eyes closed taking another deep breath. I exhaled and opened my eyes. I read Gene's first. The re-cap of my "judgment day," sentencing day. Was hard to read, but good also. I need to know my part in this world. What memories I am leaving, what my presence in other's lives is effecting, building, giving, taking receiving.

When I got to yours I stopped and breathed in and out. As I started reading I could hear your voice, see your face...wishing I could. I felt so many different emotions from your words. Love, forgiveness, hope, dreams and awakenings jumped out at me. I was being told in a sense..."wake up Nichole, I am right here, I am not going anywhere, don't run from me, I will always love you."

Anakha thank you for taking the time to share your experience with me. I know I am not alone in this. I still wish I was physically there. Rewinding back a few months would be great. Sometimes it feels like a movie. Have you ever seen the movie "Click" it has Adam Sandler in it. It's really funny. You should rent it. In the movie he can stop, pause, rewind, fast forward. Some features could be good right now...LOL.

I am going to write about what I need, want in regards to our contract...but I don't know how you want it so will start with this:

I need to be called on my bullshit.
Structure
Hugs
Humor
A shoulder to cry on
Encouraged
Sometimes a good shove when I am shying away from a good time
Yoga and running
I need to get a degree
Help with the following through with Isaiah
To know how you think, feel, about potentially bad decisions or situations you feel me slipping into
Lots of advice

I probably have more...so I hope we can start with that. See how it comes together.

I am sending you the canteen order sheets so you know what that looks like. There are two of them. I wish you could see the shoes. They are really cute...pink, black and white Reeboks. How great is that. You know me and my pink! I am missing that and chai tea from Starbucks. I can't have a chai tea until I get to minimum. One year. Wow. Guess what you don't get paid for 4 months over here on medium. That is crazy to me. Do you think I should take vitamins. They are on canteen. Crystal knows about them and what is good. What do you think about me learning a second language, like Spanish. Been thinking about that too. I am really excited about doing something to earn a degree in here. I keep having vivid dreams about all this stuff.

Well I am going to work on my blog. It is amazing to know my story has a voice.

Love always,
Nichole

I Am Here

I am here to bring the power of the Sacred Feminine
To reclaim her mysteries
To reveal her innermost secrets
I am here to share love's radiance
To immerse myself in my own succulence
To become deep nourishment
I am here to remember the lost and abandoned parts
To call myself fully present
To restore the Kingdom of my own essence
I am here to bring the wildness
To move with devotion and abandon
To expose my own naked, sacred heart
I am here to love with an unguarded heart
To risk my significance
To nourish the seeds of my own Soul
I am here to bring the Sacred Love elixir
To offer the milk and honey of the Promised Land
To restore the sacred balance of the Feminine and Masculine
I am here to show the way of Mystical Eroticism
To know that God, Life-Force, Sex is One energy with One purpose
To unleash the powers of Love in my Life, in the Life
I am here to love you
To love you as myself
To live the oneness that was, is and will always be
I am here to walk the path of the Christian Mystic
To follow Yeshua and Magdalena into the fires of Sacred Passion
To enact my own purpose with as much love and clarity and power and purpose
as I possibly can

I am here now
I receive full support for bringing these revelations and teachings and healings to the world. I dedicate myself to this mission to restore the balance, to unite what was never meant to be separate. To allow people to have full access to their aliveness, their power, their purpose...to live the Promise of Heaven on Earth, to embody radiant love.

We have the power...we have the power...to change the future...to create the future.
I have been taught a way of activating this power that is in alignment with Divine Will and in service to the collective heart.

Come away with me...let us live the Mystery...
Disrobe
Dismantle
Disarm
Dissolve

Come....

A

Mystical Eroticism ~ Part Three

Mystical Eroticism ~ Part Two