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Good Morning Nichole…At least it’s morning here…late morning 11:40. I am sitting at the back table with the morning sun shining through the window on my face. It is supposed to be 60 degrees today…it is sunny, blue sky. Of course you are out enjoying this weather as well…thank God! Breath in all of the love that is available through nature…it will help nourish and encourage you…let the sun love you, the air love you, the breeze love you…really feel it coming into your cells giving you courage to face what you need to face, feel what you need to feel, do what you need to do. This Universe adores you and is here to offer you its glorious love…become present to the love inherent in all things. You will become love as you walk this path into love. This is what Yeshua is asking us to do in following him into the sacred heart. To awaken the love in our hearts…to remember that we are made in his image and his likeness…we are not who we’ve thought…we have thought we were alone, separate, bad, wrong, mistakes, filled with shame and fear…these are all lies of the mind…we find our beauty in our hearts. Open your heart Nichole…let the pain, the grief, the disappointment spill out…you will withstand it, and you can go through it and find yourself stationed on solid ground. This is what drew me into the silence…the 40 days of intimate communion with God and my true Self. I found myself standing one year ago…March 2007 on the veranda of a beautiful condo in Maui, Hawaii…smoking an American Spirit cigarette looking out at the beauty all around me…and I couldn’t feel…I couldn’t experience and take in the beauty. I felt dead inside. I was aware that something essential…some life force within me had died…or was on life support…barely breathing. My heart had closed….retreated…gone into hiding. I was running on empty…the power of Love was unable to penetrate the walls of hiding and protection I had built up around my heart and my life. I am not even sure how it all happened…one small betrayal of myself, betrayal of others, losing people I loved…my father’s death…working at Coffee Creek…addiction….the truth was my heart had become shielded, guarded, closed and I was dying. It was painful that morning to realize how disconnected from Life and my own radiance I had become. I was in Maui with Gary and the kids…Gary was equally shut down…closed off…how painful to be there with someone I had once loved so much and to see us both cardboard cutouts…playing at the game of life. The kids registered this I am sure. The one beautiful moment I had was when I took the kids out snorkeling…teaching them to snorkel and see the colorful fish in the coral reef. They were mesmerized as was I. I love being underneath the ocean’s surface…this is how I live my life…underneath the surface actions…I live with the fish, like a mermaid…a mystic underneath the sea. I sensed a spark, a thread of my aliveness as I dove down under the sea into the realm of magic…seeing the many colored fish flowing through the warm Hawaiian waters. Flowing in beauty…flowing with the beauty of life…this is what I desired. I was disconnected from the flow and the beauty of Life, of my life, of my own essence. I had purchased a red journal with the sacred heart on it prior to my trip to Hawaii. I hadn’t written one word in it. I pulled it out on the flight home and wrote these words:
March 19, 2007
I am ready God! Bring me the fire of the Holy Spirit – engage my soul, ripen the fruit, use me to serve the sacred awakening. I am coming alive with the heat of the Holy Spirit, opening the mysteries of the Sacred Heart. Love melting into love…mystical marriage…sacred union.
I think that was the beginning of my journey into fully opening my heart…becoming an embodiment, a Divine expression of Love. I wrote this poem a few days later…March 31st:
Come Holy Spirit
Burning Spirit
Abide in me Now
Abide in me Always
I long to feel your heat in my blood
In my bones
Infuse me with your grace
Know me as your own
I am a spark in your
Rapturous fire
Enkindle my heart
My humanness with your love
Your passion
The Christ Mind
The Christ Heart
The Christ Eyes
Are mine now
And Forever
Maranatha
Maranatha
Amen!
Nichole, this was the beginning of the deepest and truest journey into my own heart that I have taken. It sparked the beginning of a transformation from Fear to Love…it lead me into the 40 days and 40 nights of solitude and silence…a deep discovery of my own beauty, radiance and goodness. Before then I may have appeared free…but I was locked away in a prison as well. No freedom. Sure, I could go places and do things…but that, as you know, is not the essence of freedom…what we are all longing for is an experience of Soul Liberation…aliveness, radiance, presence and love. This is what led me to take time apart, to listen, heal and open. This is what you are being offered now too. To slow your pace…to slow your rhythm…to listen and let be…to slow way down and begin moving at the pace of guidance…the pace of nature…this is the place where you can practice “ahimsa” the Aramaic word for nonviolence…nonviolence, deep love and compassion for yourself and for others. This was the word that Yeshua (Jesus) gave me the first day of my retreat…Yeshua said to me…”if you want to open your heart, to become love…you must slow your pace, move at the pace of nature, move at the pace and with the rhythm off the heartbeat…and practice ahimsa…radical love and self-acceptance. Every time your mind wants to attack yourself or others, repeat and chant ahimsa and return to the truth that you are a Beloved Child of God and that all is well in Life…all is well in this moment.”
I will tell you my story Nichole…through these letters and this will become my book. Thank you for asking me what I did during those 40 days…why I took this time apart…and what occurred…in answering your question I will relive, remember and offer my experience as a gift to the world.
See Beloved Dear One…how you are ministering to me? How with your question you are helping me to remember my purpose and why it is important that I write about my journey into love, that I share the teachings and mysteries that were given to me in that time and that continue to be offered to me. So often I think that what I have received and conceived of is unimportant….please help me Nichole, to remember that what I am and who I am are valuable…just like I help you to remember that what you are and who you are valuable. We are essential in so many ways…each of us a thread in this beautiful Divine tapestry of love and creativity.
Happy Birthday…I celebrate the day of your birth…the birth of you, this young mystical woman that has taken a crash course in awakening to the realms of embodied love…you are making the journey into wholeness and reclaiming the truth of your birthright…that you are a child of the living, loving God…whole, complete, worthy and beautiful. You are here on purpose…you belong…you are wanted. You belong with me…you belong in my heart…you will always have a home there.
Happy Birthday Nichole…you are so very much loved, adored and cherished by so many…but today especially, you are loved by me!
XXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,
Anakha
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