Now

I am tired tonight.
I noticed that I was running my fingers through my hair as I sat and listened to Jimmy and Randy after our gathering to welcome Krista tonight.
I did that as a little girl when I was tired.
Some things don't change.
Like the birthmark on my leg.
Tired.
Want to be held.
Don't want to be held.
I was like that as a little girl too.
Who really cares.
Why blog? Why not?
Jack on his back with all fours praying to the sky.
Fan blowing on my skin.
Legs smooth, stretched out on my bed.
Eyes too tired to close.
It would be nice to lay in your arms for awhile.
Just rest.
Would you come and hold me?
No words.
No promises.
No expectations.
Just two people, two people that have loved.
Tired.
I want to go on a road trip.
Stop at 7-Eleven and buy bright red slurpees.
And cheese nachos.
Why, I don't know?
Did that with my husband, surfboards on the roof, flip flops on our feet.
Baja bound.
I want to skinny dip, lie naked on the rocks.
Did that last summer at the end of my retreat.
Rogue river, hot...naked, cool water.
Chocolate body.
Yum.
I remember, that was then...this is now.
Now what, Anakha?
This one year anniversary marks a completion.
I am available.
Ready, set, go.
I am leaving.
I am staying.
Moving towards.
Fading away.
At home with myself.
In this moment, nothing else matters.
At home...already home.
Amen.