A still and gentle love occupies my heart this morning as I sit in the silence reflecting on my life and my current "occupation" of embodying sacred love, the path of becoming love. The image I see as I look into my heart is of a soft pink rose spinning in the center of my chest, opening slowly, with tenderness. Some petals are opening, exposing beauty, truth, love...some are clinging to the core, not yet ready to release into the wild unknown that is my life.
I am having a real relationship with myself today -- a naked relationship with my own heart as I sense into the movement of my Soul. I awoke this morning with deep sadness. As I laid in the silence and stillness of the morning I became aware of my fears, of my vulnerabilities, of what it requires to live a life sourced from love and revealed in love. The consequences of living the Naked Heart path.
The more I stand in and commit to fully living my purpose -- to embody radiant love -- the more I am finding myself in relationship with that which blocks the flow of that love...fear, uncertainty, doubt, confusion. In New Thought we are often taught to change our thinking when we are feeling fear or sadness, to think a new thought, to affirm a new reality, to do something to change our current state. In my experience the possibility of true and lasting transformation lies in going into the feeling, understanding it's message and working from within my authentic experience to allow what needs to be opened, to be opened and what needs to be known, to be known, what needs the tenderness of true love, to be tenderly loved. the way to truly transform and embody love is to enter into a direct relationship with that which blocks our awareness and experience of Love's presence. I believe these feelings are messages from our Soul, they have guidance, wisdom and truth embedded within them. Follow the feeling, listen for the message...become free.
I was keenly aware this morning that I had a choice. To push through, perservere, be strong, be disciplined, focus on my intention or to surrender to the deeper, truer call of my Soul. I could get up and put myself through my daily regimen of making fresh juice, kundalini yoga, mediation and writing. Or, I could listen to the deeper call...the call that would take me into direct relationship with myself and God.
I made a different choice today. I decided to have a real relationship with my interior, with the sadness, the despair, the sense of nothingness. I wanted to know her...what is happening for the being that lives within this skin, around this skin, that lives within this heart, that sees with these eyes, that touches with these hands. What is she experiencing, what does she need? How can I practice Ahimsa...a radical love and compassion towards myself today? How can I court the Presence by being present with what is moment to moment?
I am moving slowly today, staying connected to my breath and to the gentle voice of love, the tenderness that I am needing to give to myself today. What does she want? She wants forgiveness, she wants me to let her off the cross for all the ways I succumb to fear, for all the ways I hide and play small. She wants me to stop judging her for her failures, the ways that she is still unskilled in love, the ways that she can find herself in the prison of the past.
I breath in, I breath out and I dedicate today to loving myself, to practicing Ahimsa, to slowing my pace to the rhythm of my heart, my soul. When my mind races I know it is time to stop pushing, forcing and to release into the flow of God, the river of ease that will deliver me home to myself. I am coming home again in this moment, home to my selfSelf. Home to trusting that the Universe loves me, adores me, wishes all good for me, supports and sustains me. Yes, I too am a Lilly in God's field.
I place myself in the river of God and I listen for the voice of my true desire. I vow to follow the authentic promptings of my own heart and soul today. I vow to be kind to myself and to have compassion for the ways I miss the mark. I vow to behold both the woman who is clear, confident and powerful and the woman who is vulnerable, fearful, and unsure. I vow to trust the underlying rhythm and flow of my life and this sweet universe. I vow to trust that I will be delivered to the source of my desire, my devotion and my destiny.
Ahimsa. (http://www.dlshq.org/teachings/ahimsa.htm)
Ameyn.
P.S. Interestingly enough the structure and acitivites of my morning were not all that different than any other day...subtract the kundalini yoga and add a dead sea salt soak....what was different was my presence and intimate relationship with myself. I was able to shift out of a fear-based dictator relationship with myself full of shoulds and force to a love-based romance of allowing and nurturing and unfolding. This is the sacred practice of Ahimsa. It is always an inside job!
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5 comments:
This sweet surrender comes when we let go and stop trying. No forcing, no shoulds, no have to's.
Rather than suppress or avoid, to be with and come into relationship with that which appears to be in our way. There is always a message from that voice, from that place, if we choose to pause and listen to it, hear what it has to say, and co-create with it. It can be a powerful ally, should we choose to align with it.
There is such wisdom in simply being with what is. Not trying to figure it out, change it, or have to do something. I think this is why, whether it's with ourselves or with another, simply listening and being present allows what is to come forth. The wisdom and knowing is already within, simply being present with it allows it to blossom. Our presence and attention, along with an open, loving heart, is like sun and water for that seed of truth.
I checked into the house meeting I was part of yesterday morning by saying that I am finally coming into relationship with myself...that becoming a priority.
There was a lot of head nodding around the table as I spoke briefly about the dynamics that have blocked this deep self intimacy.
I, too, have been exploring desire. even experiencing desire for Self seems new to me...now differentiated from desire for Other.
I've gone through similar phases in the past but those now seem relatively superficial...not like the depth and intensity of now.
Self expression, self realization, self love....that's the music I'm hearing now... Simply being the expression, the realization, the love.
...and as "self-focused" as this all sounds, it just brings me closer to others...feeling the bonds we share...the waves we're both riding...just opening your blog often gives me that!
hi anakha:
so often ahisma is my practice and i did not know that was a word. but then there is the corrosion in my system that sparks with the energy and some kind of catalytic moment occurs and i implode and fall short. i appreciate you introducing me to the word and the philosophy of ahisma. i appreciate that you included a link, as it was helpful. oh my, to find a community that practices this in a very conscious way would be grand....a dream come true.
in the mean time, i will continue to find love in everymoment, everything, everyperson, ...
adios
tu amigo en chapala, lalo, aka edd
Dear Ones,
I have kept the word Ahimsa written on a card by my kitchen sink as a daily reminder of non violence toward others and myself for about a year.. It seems a tad easier, for me, to practice non violence toward others than toward myself so I am exploring that one. Maybe it is an old voice from childhood that carries more power...or so it seems? I am trying to recognize the voices: the voice of parenting and teachers...
Am I not worthy? Intellectually and religiosity wise...I hear a YES, it would be absurd to believe anything else, of course you are worthy
. and then...
the Absurdity comes in..
and I hear culture (which is all of us and ME) I hear unrealistic values and judgments and expectations ...even voices of friends and family and ME...sometimes reminding me that oops...you did it wrong. But most of all I hear my own voice weighing in...The woulda shoulda coulda voice .....and we all have the comeback for that one.
This voice of mine...the one vocie it seems like it should be the voice I can control most easily...the ME voice is really the only one I can control. At times, I have relingquished the control.. depending on others to tell me, "Am I ok? Am I enough? Who do you see that I am?"
I feel the unhealth in that...and my way, I realize, is to trust that I am always connected to the Divine and that I am safe. All I need to do is to show up in my Truth ..which is love and tell my truth.....nothing else is required.
And am I doing that? Yes I am...over and over that is my goal in every minute of my day with others and with myself.
So when that ME voice that comes in that is destructive I do need/want to say:
"you are not bringing truth to me. This is the truth and remind myself what that truth is...and turn away from the negative.
I am feeling a new strength that will lead me deeper into the knowing: of all I need to know and the letting go of all I need to let go.
like Ed said, I will show up with love for everything.
another way of holding others is to think of each person you meet as an altar. That works well. because that is the truth also.
Blessings
Karen
To love at or to an alter, would be to bow down to an insecurity? surely? Or is worship to or of another to recognise the serene state of love within yourself and to another? Please forgive the analogy... I am trying to understand. I am trying to love.
Regards
Dan
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