Coming Home to Myself

Two writings from Marion Woodman caught my eye just now as I was skimming through her book, Coming Home to Myself.

"As long as we try to transcend ourselves, reach for the sky, pull away from ground and into spirit, we are heroes carved in stone. We stand atop the pillar alone blind to the pigeon's droppings. Do not try to transform yourself. Move into yourself. Move into your human unsuccess. Perfection rapes the soul."

and...

"Most of us are dragged toward wholeness.
We do not understand the breakdown of what has gone before.
We do not understand.
We cling to the familiar,
refuse to make necessary sacrifices,
refuse to give up habitual lives,
resist our growth.
We do not understand rebirth,
do not accept the initiation rites.
Mot of us are dragged toward wholeness."

****
I have had a beautiful day...connected to myself. Moving into myself, inhabiting myself. Finding home within. This is the living oneness. Today's practice was "the belonging of oneness." Today I am finding that I belong to myself. I find my belonging in my own presence. When I move at the pace of oneness...breathe, connect and follow the guidance of my bodyheartmindsoul.

I awoke this morning in bed with Jack -- my Jack Russell Terrier. It has been months since I have had him -- he has been with his "father" -- G-Love aka Gary. I am staying at my beloved friend Christy's house in Multnomah Village and Jack is visiting me. Such is the nature of my "embracing the unknown" transient lifestyle.

It was funny to watch us...two lovers that have slept apart for months, now returning to sleep together. I awoke and felt his leg kick me...he acted surprised to see me when he burrowed out from the blankets! "Oh, it is you!" I am feeling happy to be with my beloved mystical dog and teacher. He has been with me for over 6 years now...a guide through seminary, through dark nights, through highs and lows and now in this season of miracles. Thank you Jack!

After becoming reacquainted this morning we went to Koru to see Gene...Kundalini Yoga intermixed with "ball" and a kale/apple/ginger/celery green drink. Back home for a shower, conversation with Nichole and a meeting with a friend who has just completed his book "Going Within."

Tonight I will go to Crystal's graduation from dental assisting school. What a miracle she is! It has only been 17 months since she was released from prison. She has created a beautiful life for herself! The seeds of intention she planted have sprouted, grown and are bearing fruit. Perseverance, devotion, an unstoppable force.

And me? Where am I in all of this? I feel the softness of my heart, the tenderness of my soul. Opera is playing in the background...the dramatic depths and heights feel like a perfect match for my own soul -- a symphony of depths and heights...a magnitude of life...a magnificence of presence.

I am becoming
I am surrendering
I am falling in love

With...
Myself...

Finally, after so many years of seeking, fighting, resisting, avoiding.

Now, I am entering into this love affair with my own self. Nurturing my own interior life, feeding my self, inspiring myself, tending to my heart, allowing myself to be...letting myself be now.

I am still. I am humbled. Feeling at home in my heart, in my body...embracing my beauty and brilliance. Light and dark dance within me in integration, conversation. The wound and the medicine -- together now.

I deeply love the woman I am...the sex I am...the sensuality I am, the beauty I am, the tenderness I am, the fire I am, the fear I am, the love I am, the mystic I am.

I am a radiant, naked heart mystic.
I love that I am.
I know that I am.
I trust that I am.
I surrender that I am.

I am following Yeshua and Magdala into greater depths and heights of Love. Embracing the mystery. Surrendering into the unknown.

I am here for Love.
A radical and relentless love.
I am here to learn and teach the way of embodied Love.

My wound, my medicine -- both created in love, relationship and intimacy.

This is why I am here. This is the medicine I carry. This is the remembrance I offer.

Love take me. I am yours. Use me to demonstrate your presence, your power, your miracle...
Sweep me away. Adore me as I am adoring you.

My interior life is rich with texture, shape and sound. I am in the mood of love.
Praying my unceasing prayer...love take me, consume me, become me.

Andrea Bocelli is singing opera in the background. Reminds me of Nathaniel.
The fire is warming my back, Jack is resting on the floor beside me.

I love life today. I love myself today...and that is life.
Thank you.

P.S. I sat in bed this morning with my laptop...corresponding with an editor from Hay House. Dreams do come true...dreams are coming true. Amen.