the surrendered life...imperfect beauty

"journeys bring power and love back into you. if you can't go somewhere, move in the passageways of the self. they are like shafts of light, always changing, and you change when you explore them." - jelaluddin rumi

*****

i am entering
the surrendered life
of imperfect beauty
exhaling the sound of life
inhaling the spirit of god


i am that life
i am that imperfection
i am that beauty
i am that surrender



a wall has dissolved
armor disappearing
the past dropping away
like a distant dream



who am i now
who am i becoming



a damn broke this morning
tears flooding my eyes
watering my heart
flowering love
in the sanctuary of my chest


where the heart of Magdalene
is born

she is the radiant heart
she is the surrendered life
she is the forgiven
she is the freed
she is the quivering
she is the tremoring
she is the seen



it is time she takes her rightful
throne within the
heart of humanity


frozen within me
until now

and the walls come tumbling down
to reveal
all that has been hidden
her mystery lives within

i seek the mysteries
of the sacred heart
this is what He has given
her
me
you

a heart of enduring love
a heart of impassioned love
a heart of the deepest compassion
imaginable


i cannot begin to express
the birthdeathbirth
occurring within me
as i cross this threshold

leaving the prison behind
walking through the door
it is wide
and open
into paradise

the indwelling kingdom
of life and love
that has obscured me
until now

what was hazy
is now clear
what was imprisoned
is now free
what was unattainable
is now here


i have kept the
true vows of my heart
lived them
alchemized into
their sweet embodiment

a transfiguration of years
a dark night of a decade


yes, cast me gently
into this morning
of new life
the surrendered life
for the night
has been unkind
a wounding of love
in my precious soul
imperfect beauty
is what i am.


into the heart of Magdalene
discovering the
sweet and tender
union
of god, sex and love


the mysteries are ready
to be unlocked
set free

the mystery
is me


my vow renewed in
the melting
of my heart...


i will love, Lord Yeshua
i will love
i will be relentless in love
until i am home
in your kingdom

amen.

Disrupt the Status Quo

Agitation, frustration, constellation.
Venus retrograde?
I hate Facebook.
Growl.
Transition phase of giving birth...bearing down, digging deep...

So tired of trying so hard to be good, to get it right.

Deep integrity calls me now...deep integrity held in an ever-widening cradle of compassion and unconditional love. What happens when the razor's edge of integrity meets the ever expanding berth of love and compassion?

Who do I become?
How do I live?

It agitates, it undulates, oscillates, exacerbates, activates the system...the status quo that lives within me and within my relationships and within the greater world.

I feel myself living in deeper integrity with my self, my soul, the unarguable truth of the moment. Nestled and held within this sphere of God...of Love. Holding me...holding all...in integrous relationship, forthright communication centered in the heart.

My heart is pounding as it reveals itself in raw authenticity. Simple truths exposed, simple truths offered. The truth is simple. The truth is elegant. The truth is incisive. The truth is freeing. The truth...yes the truth at times is inconvenient, uncomfortable...The truth just is.

In each moment there is an undeniable truth arising...a truth that includes all...a truth that resounds in the core of all. I seek that truth today...that is the truth worth reaching for, worth speaking, worth resurrecting and allowing to reverberate between us.

I want truth. Truth in all my relations. I ask for the courage, the humility and the grace to walk the razor's edge of love.

Is this radical or simple? Simply radical? Radically simple? Both/And.

My religion is love, my path is presence, my vow to love one another, the precepts of deep integrity, truth and beyond this world compassion for myself and others. This is what God is calling me to now. This now moment.

I hurt for the world today. I hurt for the ways we have lost our collective integrity. Inside the heartbreak, inside my heart break I feel the call to prayer...what can I offer other than that? Myself, my presence. I can be nourishment in presence. Truth is nourishing, presence is nourishing, integrity is nourishing.

We are a hungry planet. Hungry for love, hungry for presence, hungry for truth, hungry for deep integrity. Hungry for true nourishment.

Hungry for the realized, embodied sacred feminine. This is the Heart of Magdalene....calling us to our deep mysticism and our unveiled, unvarnished presence in the world.

I begin here now. With myself. What does deep integrity look and feel like today? How can I make Love's medicine in and through my own presence today?

I will keep walking this path until I fall off the earth, spinning cartwheels through the sky...finding my way to some distant star that I was born from.

I am the face of God....you are the face of God. What will you do with your one wild and precious life today?

I will allow love to take me...to sweep me away, to hold me here, to consume me...direct, guide and hold me.

Over and out. 10/4 good buddies. This is the SexyRev signing out...signing on.

A

Coming Home to Myself

Two writings from Marion Woodman caught my eye just now as I was skimming through her book, Coming Home to Myself.

"As long as we try to transcend ourselves, reach for the sky, pull away from ground and into spirit, we are heroes carved in stone. We stand atop the pillar alone blind to the pigeon's droppings. Do not try to transform yourself. Move into yourself. Move into your human unsuccess. Perfection rapes the soul."

and...

"Most of us are dragged toward wholeness.
We do not understand the breakdown of what has gone before.
We do not understand.
We cling to the familiar,
refuse to make necessary sacrifices,
refuse to give up habitual lives,
resist our growth.
We do not understand rebirth,
do not accept the initiation rites.
Mot of us are dragged toward wholeness."

****
I have had a beautiful day...connected to myself. Moving into myself, inhabiting myself. Finding home within. This is the living oneness. Today's practice was "the belonging of oneness." Today I am finding that I belong to myself. I find my belonging in my own presence. When I move at the pace of oneness...breathe, connect and follow the guidance of my bodyheartmindsoul.

I awoke this morning in bed with Jack -- my Jack Russell Terrier. It has been months since I have had him -- he has been with his "father" -- G-Love aka Gary. I am staying at my beloved friend Christy's house in Multnomah Village and Jack is visiting me. Such is the nature of my "embracing the unknown" transient lifestyle.

It was funny to watch us...two lovers that have slept apart for months, now returning to sleep together. I awoke and felt his leg kick me...he acted surprised to see me when he burrowed out from the blankets! "Oh, it is you!" I am feeling happy to be with my beloved mystical dog and teacher. He has been with me for over 6 years now...a guide through seminary, through dark nights, through highs and lows and now in this season of miracles. Thank you Jack!

After becoming reacquainted this morning we went to Koru to see Gene...Kundalini Yoga intermixed with "ball" and a kale/apple/ginger/celery green drink. Back home for a shower, conversation with Nichole and a meeting with a friend who has just completed his book "Going Within."

Tonight I will go to Crystal's graduation from dental assisting school. What a miracle she is! It has only been 17 months since she was released from prison. She has created a beautiful life for herself! The seeds of intention she planted have sprouted, grown and are bearing fruit. Perseverance, devotion, an unstoppable force.

And me? Where am I in all of this? I feel the softness of my heart, the tenderness of my soul. Opera is playing in the background...the dramatic depths and heights feel like a perfect match for my own soul -- a symphony of depths and heights...a magnitude of life...a magnificence of presence.

I am becoming
I am surrendering
I am falling in love

With...
Myself...

Finally, after so many years of seeking, fighting, resisting, avoiding.

Now, I am entering into this love affair with my own self. Nurturing my own interior life, feeding my self, inspiring myself, tending to my heart, allowing myself to be...letting myself be now.

I am still. I am humbled. Feeling at home in my heart, in my body...embracing my beauty and brilliance. Light and dark dance within me in integration, conversation. The wound and the medicine -- together now.

I deeply love the woman I am...the sex I am...the sensuality I am, the beauty I am, the tenderness I am, the fire I am, the fear I am, the love I am, the mystic I am.

I am a radiant, naked heart mystic.
I love that I am.
I know that I am.
I trust that I am.
I surrender that I am.

I am following Yeshua and Magdala into greater depths and heights of Love. Embracing the mystery. Surrendering into the unknown.

I am here for Love.
A radical and relentless love.
I am here to learn and teach the way of embodied Love.

My wound, my medicine -- both created in love, relationship and intimacy.

This is why I am here. This is the medicine I carry. This is the remembrance I offer.

Love take me. I am yours. Use me to demonstrate your presence, your power, your miracle...
Sweep me away. Adore me as I am adoring you.

My interior life is rich with texture, shape and sound. I am in the mood of love.
Praying my unceasing prayer...love take me, consume me, become me.

Andrea Bocelli is singing opera in the background. Reminds me of Nathaniel.
The fire is warming my back, Jack is resting on the floor beside me.

I love life today. I love myself today...and that is life.
Thank you.

P.S. I sat in bed this morning with my laptop...corresponding with an editor from Hay House. Dreams do come true...dreams are coming true. Amen.